I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
