I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Four minutes until I can fart!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
