I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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