when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
