If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
