FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
