i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
