who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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