I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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