Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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