too bad you live with your parents still
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
