last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
