I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
