I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
