3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
