It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
