My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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