Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
