it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
