so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
