I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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