I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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