Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
