Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need water and some morals
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
