I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
