i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
