Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
