Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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