I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
