so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
