She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
