anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
