Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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