Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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