You're a womanizer and a bitch.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
