So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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