I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
