Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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