we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
