while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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