I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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