So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
