They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
