Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
