I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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