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I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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