very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
