She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
