Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
