Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
