I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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