the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
