hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize