bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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