Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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