We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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