your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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