Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize