thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The air was thick with penises
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
