Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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