I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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