Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
