Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
