I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
