true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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