Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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