38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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