Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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