No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i now understand why vodka
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
