If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
